This is a light heart post.
I’ve been thinking about relationship and courtship recently given my upcoming trip would include teaching about the biblical view of courtship but I’ll be doing this in a culture where match making and arrange marriage is not unusual.
For the longest time I thought I was a matchmaker. But recently I discovered I wasn’t a matchmaker. Not by the standard in other countries where Pastors and parents really are match maker. I soon discovered I was more of what some people call a “Wingman.”
I just learned this term last month: Wingman.
What is a wingman?
This is what Wikipedia has to say:
Wingman is a role that a person may take when a friend needs support with approaching potential romantic partners. A wingman is someone who is on the “inside” and is used to help someone with intimate relationships.
A sister in the Lord first mentioned the term to me and then one of my friends said he can see me being a wingman for another brother.
Now I know some have taken the term wingman to be something else that might not be all appropriate with the bar scene; I don’t think that is essential to the definition. Instead I want to focus on the term wingman more of the one who helps a friend to be in a relationship.
I guess I have a long history of trying to help friends get together with someone. But I always wanted to do it in a spectacular fashion (the folly of youth). I’ve always viewed it as a mission being that weird military geek that I was in high school.
In freshman year a close friend had a crush on a girl. He wanted to deliver her flowers. At her house. As in a whole shopping cart full of flower. What sounds ridiculous to everyone seems to make so much sense to us freshmen. In a day and age before any of us freshman could drive I came up with this plan where he would take the bus to her house and I would rollerblade with the shopping cart there. That way he would arrive “fresh.” I would be going up and down hills and get all sweaty. Not to mention going around with a swinging cart with rollerblades that had little brakes. In my mind I thought it was like a military mission where I was “taking one” for the team. Actually it was only for him. I was such a weird military nerd back in high school. I arrived with the flowers. Then I rollerbladed away for him to do his stuff. I pulled the mission and happily did it as the background support.
Of course there were the countless missions where I went directly to someone on behalf of a friend, being the bearer of good news, or so I thought. Or sometimes I was the mailman. People wrote letters back then before text message, facebook and email was popular or even around. I’ll be the guy to find the locker and put the note in.
By senior year we were able to drive. A close friend from junior high moved far away near the beach. He liked a girl in a totally different school. This was before 1-800-FLOWERS or whatever it was called. We were closer to where the girl lived. So I got another friend to drive while I purchased the flower to drop it off. I think I even signed the card on his behalf. Maybe even wrote a poem or something like that. While I was doing all of that in the car we got lost. Not surprising since we were high school drivers before the day of GPS and I was also the navigator with an old Thomas guide (later in life when I was a Marine I was finally able to multitask land navigation and other things). When we finally got to her house we have been driving a long time. I was happy that this was going to be another successful mission. I knocked on the door and delivered “the package.” But then I notice my friend the driver wasn’t next to me. And there was smoke. Lots of smoke. His car overheated and he was panicking. After the girl finished sniffing the flower and being pleasantly surprised we had to sheepishly ask if it was ok we use her hose to cool the car down. She gave us a strange face, said yes and closed the door. We drove back but had to pull over constantly to cool the smoking car. But what matter to me was mission accomplishment: She was going to go to some dance with him.
Of course there were the missions that blew up in our face. I’ll never forget my senior year when my best friend back then thought this girl liked him. He wanted to go to prom with her but he was too shy to ask directly. Unfortunately since his intel operators and analysts were only getting information from him we were nothing more than an echo chamber. And since we relied only on one HUMINT (Human intelligence) source sometimes you don’t get reliable information concerning the human terrain of whether or not the girl’s heart was with him or with someone else (or her heart just simply stayed in her heart). Since she was in my math class in the last period of the day I had another friend there too as we approach her. The other guy muttered “we know you like him” and she looked like she was going to throw up. We didn’t know what to say. Obviously my friend’s campaign of winning hearts and mind weren’t operationally effective.
All the’ high school stories aside, high school was also a dark time for me that culminated with my expulsion. I came to Christ as a result of that. By the grace of God a year after my expulsion the board allowed me to return. By that point I was a new Born Again Christian and a kid that wanted to evangelize everyone.
I learned in high school that some people appreciate a wingman. After becoming a Christian I also began learning that many people want to be the pilot of their own life. Some will insist on being the pilot even though they continuously crash and burn in pursing relationships and love according to their own way. Yet they still like the idea of a wingman: Someone who will help them by their side, and be there cheering them in their corner. They might consider the possibility of allowing God as their wingman though they don’t want God as their pilot. But what they really need is not God as their wingman but their pilot.
My single brothers and sisters, have you trust God as Lord of your life even in the area of the relationship, courtship and marriage?
There might still be a role for others to be your wingman but God should be your Pilot. Let God be God and trust in Him with His timing and His ways.
This is great. Love the idea of a wingman. The truth: “There might still be a role for others to be your wingman but God should be your Pilot. Let God be God and trust in Him with His timing and His ways.”
Blessings, grace and peace from King Jesus.
I hate that, “God is my copilot,” bumper sticker you see sometimes. If He is not the PILOT, He is in the wrong seat!
Amen. I remember in Iraq there was this Marine truck driver who put a sign in the front that said “God is my Co-pilot” and I thought wouldn’t you want God to be your pilot entirely???” I didn’t want to be in that 7 ton lol. May we trust in God fully to lead our lives, Amen?
Absolute Amen
Thanks for sharing those funny stories! Yeah, I played the role of wingman and go-between for a few of my friends way back in the day.
I imagine you probably learn the same lessons I did, that a wingman might make a plan but the Lord determine which woman would with which man, it’s ultimately all in His Hand! Lol…
Yeah, I remember the romance/courting politics getting pretty intense back in high school. I know it starts even earlier among kids these days. BTW, I just sent you my guest post via email. Sorry for the delay.
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging and commented:
“Talk to me Goose” 😎😁
LOL! “Talk to me Goose” sounds like a reference from Top Gun (I’m basing this on hazy memory). That’s pretty funny Vincent and thank you for the reblog!
That’s exactly right Pastor Jim 😂😂 Yankee Whiskey Bravo
Wasn’t John Alden the wingman for Miles Standish? How did that work out?
Ah that’s true there’s a danger of some wingman. Then there are some who really are parasites…thanks for the reblog as well! How is your day’s effort with writing?
Reblogged this on Lee Duigon.
Great post! This is an important topic.
Thanks! Is your Japanese better than English?
I’d say about fifty-fifty. I speak in English to my dad and brother and speak in Japanese to my mother. I like helping Dad teach English at our small English school along with my brother.
JIm, thank you for sharing some of your hilarious times. You are a special friend. You need to write a book. Praying for your continued ministry and leadership. Blessings for your week-end and the Lord’s Day.
You’re welcome I appreciate you reading this and thank you so much for your prayers! I also messaged you back with your email I hope you received it
Yes; did you get my reply?
God has to be my pilot; ’cause most of the time, I don’t know what’s going on! 😆
Yeah how we need Him as our Pilot! It seems suffering sometimes has its role that God uses to teach us to trust in Him as our Guide.
Well written!
This was a very funny, and edifying post, brother! I met my husband before getting saved, and we were heading south fast. I doubt we’d still be married today if not for God’s grace saving and sanctifying me. I was mean, manipulative, self righteous, and controlling. Marriage is hard enough now with God working the fruit of the Holy Spirit in me, it was impossible without God as my pilot!
It’s really a fascinating thing to consider, God was certainly my wingman before getting saved. Or at least, the idol I had created and named god. I wasn’t accountable to him, he was accountable to me. But when God is pilot, sitting in His rightful sovereign seat, we’re accountable to Him. Huge difference!
Wow what a testimony of God’s amazing grace to save you from your sin but also in sanctifying you and even saving your marriage from the consequences of our sin! Thank you sister for sharing that, may the Lord bless you and your husband and daughter. What a difference God makes! I don’t think God’s grace is ever going to be something we grow cold to, if we truly understand it and look for it in the Scriptures and in our lives, Amen?
Amen! It’s truly amazing grace! My mind can not fathom it…thankful for eternity to ponder it!
Very cute and funny. Thanks for sharing
You’re welcome. Each day I am more and more grateful for God’s sovereignty, Lordship and providence!
Amen to that. Before God became my pilot I had many crash landings, rescued only by His Sovereign Grace.
This is hilarious, what a great post with a great lesson SlimJim ☺️
Lol “operations” I remember those days.
thanks for sharing this information.have shared this link with others keep posting such information..
Funny! I often try to hook up people myself. But let God be our co-Pilot!
Such a cute post.
Romantic, funny and edifying. You have a very Merry Christmas
I went from smiling, laughing to tears in the end.
I gotta bookmark this
Nice
[…] Singles: Is God your Wingman or Pilot? […]
I can see your dreams of being a Marine started young
I’m single and this ministered to me
I love the stories!
Funny post. Thanks for your thoughts on God guiding one’s relationship and have a fab day! Kind regards, April Peach
This post pulled me in with the stories!
Great Article!
Thank you for sharing, hilarious!
Cute
Greetings! What a funny blog post!
Cute stories!
Funny stories! Should have read it for Valentines
Reading this brighten my mood! God is the greatest matchmaker!
Cute. Wishing you can be my match maker
Oh my what a good read with your stories!
Wow that was strange. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to say fantastic blog!
I wished you were my buddy! Need a matchmaker!
I was dealing with singleness and this brighten my day
I want a girlfriend bad with the holidays, COVID and reduce hours at work with too much time on hand and family living far away.
Such romantic memories!
We got to trust in God in our singleness
This is a terrific post. Thanks for the fun encouragement for all of us singles.
This is my first time i visit here. I laughed since I’m on the other side of this. I have a friend like that since he was a teenager. I was Friendzoned till 30. Then this friend help me paired up with the elect lady.
Many thanks for your post. He’s the ultimate Matchmaker. Waiting for him to write my story
Good idea 💞💞 I agree with you on this…
So many bad relationship advice on social media that’s not biblical. Thank you for being a great Berean and exposing lies and wolves
I am seeing someone who is wife material . I tell her “Arnisha you are my African Queen 👑”
I want a wife as my Christmas gift 💗💗💗 beautiful long gift I will wait for God’s timing ⏱