Your Marriage and the Church Part 1

Purpose: Today we will see three four reason why your marriage needs to be involved with the church so that we will grow in God through the church as part of our life.

1. Reason #1: Going to church show your family that God is important
2. Reason #2: Husbands learn God’s Word through the Church
3. Reason #3: Wives benefit from the husband under the authority of the church
4. Reason #4: The Church encourage and guides those who are married

Reason #1: Going to church show your family that God is important

Proof

1. When we love God we start loving other believers: “I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good besides You.” 3 As for the saints who are in the earth, They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.” (Psalm 16:2-3)
   1. Some think “saints” might refer to angels but the phrase “in the earth” makes this unlikely and it is better to see this as talking about humans who are God’s people since these saints are on the earth.
   2. Here is the principle that if you delight in God you will delight in God’s people.
   3. If you love God’s people that will include the church. You then want to be with God’s people and thus show your family that God is important.
2. God’s Word prohibits neglecting the fellowship of believers: “not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:25)
   1. God sees it as a bad habit if we are “forsaking our own assembling together.”
   2. Yet Scripture mentioned this has been “the habit of some.”
   3. We should therefore obey God and go to church. And when we obey our spouse and family see that God is important.
3. Watch out that marriage doesn’t become an excuse not to be with God’s people: “Another one said, ‘I have married a wife, and for that reason I cannot come.’” (Luke 14:20)
   1. 1. In the context someone said to Jesus “Blessed is everyone who will eat bread in the kingdom of God!” (15)
   2. There’s a sense in which the kingdom of God is future in heaven but also present in the midst of believers and if it is present there’s a presence in the church; see Luke 17:21.
   3. So Jesus told a parable about the kingdom of God in terms of it being like a banquet invitation: “A man was giving a big dinner, and he invited many; 17 and at the dinner hour he sent his slave to say to those who had been invited, ‘Come; for everything is ready now.’” (16b-17)
   4. Yet people were making excuses (18).
   5. Here in verse 20 is one of the excuses. And the excuse is marriage!
   6. May marriage be something that draw you closer to God instead of being farther from God and God’s people in the church.

Practice

1. From Luke 14:20 we should see the importance of not letting marriage be an excuse that takes you away from other believers, the church and God.
2. Look again at Hebrews 10:25.
   1. Just because you see some have this bad habit that does not mean it is permitted for you to not assemble with the church of Christ.
   2. Also sometimes people can think “I’ve been going to church for such a long time I don’t need to go anymore as I get older since I know already what’s being taught,” but don’t miss Hebrews 10:25 teaching that we should be assembling with the church “all the more as you see the day drawing near!”
   3. Yet when we assemble together we are not just spectators; God wants us to be “encouraging one another” at church.
   4. We encourage others but should also be encouraged by others at church!
   5. And the encouragement must also be about God and the Gospel.
3. For those that don’t go to church regularly: What do you want to do on Sundays instead of going to church? That is more important to you than God…it might even be your function god and idol.
4. Ultimately we need to see the root of why we go to church: If you delight in God you will delight in God’s people.

 

Reason #2: Husbands learn God’s Word through the Church

Proof

1. Recall husbands have the responsibility of sanctifying one’s spouse: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless” (Ephesians 4:25-27)
   1. The duty of the husband to the wife parallel what Christ has done for the church.
   2. In verse 26 it says of Christ’s role to the church is that He “might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word”
   3. Analogously the husband has a responsibility to wash his wife with the Word of God.
2. Yet what if the wife knows more of the Bible than the husband? Where will he go to learn?
3. God has given the church pastors and teachers: “And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, 12 for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:11-12)
   1. Notice that in the church there are people who have the office of “pastors and teachers” (Ephesians 4:11)
   2. What are the purpose of “pastors and teachers?” Verse 12 tells us they are for two purposes:
      1. “equipping of the saints for the work of service,”
      2. “to the building up of the body of Christ”
   3. Thus if a husband is going to sanctify his wife in using Scripture then he is going to be trained and equip through the church.
   4. Also in spiritually leading his wife the husband must also be an example and thus the teaching ministry through the church’s pastor and teacher would help him be build up spiritually too.

Practice

1. 1. Husbands: Take notes of the sermon during the Lord’s Day; use it to talk to your wife and kids of what you learn and also ask them the question of how would they apply the sermon they heard!
   2. Husbands don’t just take notes but also write down further observation and application from what you heard on Sunday sermon. Then use that to talk to your family and wife!
   3. Husbands if you are going to grow into a spiritual leader that can teach your spouse please also consider the opportunity to learn deeper through your pastor and teacher than what you hear from the sermon on the Lord’s Day.
      1. Ask them questions you have.
      2. Write down questions your spouse and kids might have.
         1. For those you can answer, ask a pastor and teacher how you would answer the questions and ask for their input.
         2. For those questions you cannot answer ask your pastor and teacher in your church. Write it down the answer.
      3. Also ask for book recommendations from your pastors on topics you want to learn more about (family, theology, etc) and then read them.
      4. Share what you learn to your spouse and your family. Now you are learning and leading!
   4. Husbands: Whenever there’s a chance at the church to learn God’s Word deeper such a conference or other special meetings, go! Learn deeper, so you will be a better teacher to your wife and kids!
   5. Wives make a habit of asking your husband any questions you have about the Bible first before any other men who are pastors, teacher, your brother, your father, etc. Ask him the question first would challenge him to go through the church to learn and his learning which will make him in the future a better leader and teacher of God’s Word to you and your family over the long run!
      1. Asking your husband first is biblical, see 1 Corinthians 14:35.
      2. Think of this analogy: How would you feel if your husband when you first got married keep on asking his sister, mother and grandmother to cook for him for his daily meal? Will you learn to cook well for your family?  Will that help you be a good wife and mother?  Now if you need to learn to cook better you will go yourself to some other women to learn.  Likewise, go to your husband first with questions about the Bible and being spiritually fed regularly!
      3. Pray also for your husband to grow spiritually to teach and shepherd you and your family!

 

Reason #3: Wives benefit from the husband under the authority of the church

Proof

1. The Bible teaches the biblical headship of the husband in marriage:
   1. 1 Corinthians 11:3: “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.”
      1. In the context this is Paul speaking in a chapter that focuses on God’s given role for men and women.
      2. This passage is clear that “the man is the head of a woman.”
   2. Ephesians 5:23: “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”
      1. In the context this is Paul speaking in a section on marriage.
      2. This passage is clear that “the husband is the head of the wife.”
2. Yet does that mean the husband is himself not under any other kinds of authority in his life?
3. No, the Christian husband must go to church and in the church he is under the authority of spiritual leaders.
   1. Hebrews 13:17: “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.”
      1. Notice the verse mention about leaders in the church whose job it is “keep watch over your souls.”
      2. Like how husbands are called to spiritually lead his wife so church leaders have the responsibility to “keep watch over your souls.”
   2. 1 Thessalonians 5:12: “But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction.”
      1. Notice Paul here said that in the church there are those who “have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction.”
      2. Their leadership should be honored as this verse makes clear.
4. Wives, your husband being a member of the church and under the authority of church elders and pastors is to your benefit:
   1. The husband who is under spiritual authority of others is someone who submits to God; you want your husband to submit to God!
   2. Also the husband who submit to godly church leaders is one who is humble; you want a humble instead of a selfish and prideful husband as the leader of your family!

Practice

1. Wives, I know going to church sometimes might be hard as a woman:
   1. Taking care of young kids.
   2. You are worried your kids misbehave and look bad before other people.
   3. Then there are times of the month when it is painful.
2. Still with the difficulty go to church. Some Sundays are harder to go but going as a family is to your benefit and also that of your husband for the sake of your marriage!
3. Wives you should be careful not to gossip about others at church because gossip is a sin. Also gossiping about others in the church especially about those who are spiritual leaders goes against what you should want: a husband who sympathize and understand your role as the wife submitting to him since he knows how to lovingly submit to leaders.

 

Reason #4: The Church encourage and guides those who are married

Proof

1. The church encourages Christians who married with the example of church leaders: “Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.” (Hebrews 13:7)
   1. Speaking about the spiritual leaders in the church God wants us to think about “the result of their conduct.”
   2. God also wants us to “imitate their faith.”
2. Older women can teach younger women about being a godly wife: “teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (Titus 2:3b-5)
   1. “teaching what is good,” (Titus 2:3b) is the command to older women.
   2. What are the details that older women are to teach?
      1. “so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands,”àSometimes women counseling women can end up focusing on both agreeing that the husband is bad but
      2. “to love their children,” (Titus 2:4-5)àFor some young moms it can be hard being a mother. This is where an older women come alongside her and encourage her to love her children.
      3. “5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home,” (Titus 2:5a)àThere’s discipleship involved with working at home and not just not doing anything at home
      4. “kind, being subject to their own husbands” (Titus 2:5b)
   3. What’s the purpose of this discipleship? “so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (Titus 2:5)
3. Church members are to help each other spiritually and morally: “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)
   1. Notice God calls believers to help members who are:
      1. “unruly”
      2. “the fainthearted”
      3. “the weak
      4. “everyone”
   2. Depending on the situation the help given can be:
      1. “admonish”
      2. “encourage”
      3. “help”
      4. “be patient”

Practice

1. If there are problems in your marriage that you have a hard time with consider God’s grace of having pastors and mature Christians who can help!
2. Sometimes people don’t want to go to a church where members will correct those in sin. But rather than see it as a bad thing see it as a good thing since few churches would be faithful to what God calls the church to be like in the New Testament.
3. Also there’s not just correction but also example and encouragement and other help through the church!
4. Sometimes people object to the need for the church in their life and marriage; they say they know the Bible or they have the Bible and that’s enough. But this is a wrong view and wrong reasoning.
   1. It is not biblical since the Bible teaches the importance of the church as we saw in this session.
   2. Also the church’s biggest help is pointing out where we are at spiritually. It is hard to apply Scripture correctly if you don’t know where you are at spiritually!
   3. An analogy: Climbing the Himalayas backpackers will need an accurate map. But they also need a compass that helps them with finding out where are they are on the map. The Bible is like our map and the compass is like the church, telling us where are in our spiritual journey and which way are we facing.  We need the Church!  But we also need to come to Christ for grace!