Responsibilities of Those Married to a nonbeliever

Establishing the need: Christians should marry Christians.  Still there are some who have married non-Christians whether they were both non-Christians when they married or whether both claimed to be Christians but later one spouse denied they are Christians or a believer married a non-Christian.  What does God’s Word has to say to those who are married to unbelievers?

 

Purpose: In this session we will see four responsibilities God requires of Christians married to a nonbeliever so that you continue to live these out to please God in your life.

• You should try to stay in the marriage
• You should share the Gospel for the sake of your family’s salvation
• Wives you should win your spouse to Christ with your godliness
• Husbands you should win your spouse to Christ with your godliness

 

(Note for the next two session we will be looking at a lot of verses in 1 Corinthians 7 and 1 Peter 3 since they are speak on the topic of being married to unbelievers)

 

You should try to stay in the marriage

Proof

1. “But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.” (1 Corinthians 7:12)
   1. Here when Paul says “I say, not the Lord,” it does not mean he’s just sharing his opinion but what Paul means here is that he is saying something that was not said by the Lord Jesus Christ when he was on earth during his earthly ministry.[1]
   2. This is not just Paul’s opinion because in 1 Corinthians 7:40 Paul does say that he has the Holy Spirit in regards to what he has to say.[2]
   3. Paul here states a Christian brother who “has a wife who is an unbeliever”
   4. This brother must not divorce her if “she consents to live with him.”
   5. In the Greek this is a prohibition.
2. “And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.” (1 Corinthians 7:13)
   1. Here Paul talks about “a woman who has an unbelieving husband.”
   2. She is not to leave her husband if “he consents to live with her”
   3. The fact that Paul earlier said a husband should not leave his wife and now again that a wife shouldn’t leave her husband shows important this is to God!
3. But if an unbelieving spouse leaves the marriage this is permitted: “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15)

Practice

1. It can be very painful and hard to stay in a marriage when you grow in loving God and the person that is supposed to be the most closest to you don’t want anything to do with God. Still, don’t quit because of the pain.
2. Also while 1 Corinthians 7:15 allow a nonbeliever to leave a marriage a Christian should not use that verse to make things difficult so that the spouse will leave the marriage; this would be wicked. Christians married to an unbeliever should genuinely try to stay in the marriage.

 

You should share the Gospel for the sake of your family’s salvation

Proof

1. “14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy” (1 Corinthians 7:14)
   1. “For” gives the reason for why Paul earlier in 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 said believers who are already married to a nonbeliever should try to stay married to the spouse.
   2. The reason is so “the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife”
   3. This is important enough that Paul said the same thing for the unbelieving wife: “and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband”
   4. Paul go further to even talk about the kids as well: “for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy”
   5. What does sanctify mean?
      1. It obviously is important since Paul had it nuanced, moved forward in the sentence.
      2. “Sanctify” here does not mean morally righteous but the idea that they are set apart; that is, these unbelievers would become believers.
      3. There’s a sense in which believers are already seen by God as sanctified, see 1 Corinthians 1:2= “To the church of God which is at Corinth, to those who have been sanctified in Christ Jesus, [b]saints by calling, with all who in every place call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours”
2. “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16)
   1. Just in case anyone misinterpret 1 Corinthians 7:14 to mean that marrying a unbeliever means the unbeliever would automatically be saved, this verse clarify that perhaps God might work through the Christian spouse to lead the unbelieving spouse to Christ.
   2. Again notice Paul talked about the salvation of either the unbelieving husband or the unbelieving wife. This truly applies to both.

Practice

1. 1. Maybe you argue with your unbelieving spouse a lot about preferences; but don’t forget that they need Jesus to be right with God! Do you see think about this often?  Does that reflect in the way you live?
   2. It should be the priority of every Christian married to an unbeliever that you share the Gospel to them; how have you been living that out?
   3. Do you pray for your spouse and your kids concerning their salvation?

 

Wives you should win your spouse to Christ with your godliness

Proof

1. Submit to your husband: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,” (1 Peter 3:1)
   1. This passage mentioned a situation in which wives are married to husband who “are disobedient to the word.”
   2. In the Greek the word “disobedient” is literally unbelieving.
   3. Paul mentioned there’s a way in which these husbands “may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”
      1. The verb “won” is used repeatedly in 1 Corinthian 9:19-22 with the sense of bringing people to Christ.[3]
      2. The focus here is on “the behavior of their wives.”
   4. What is this way specifically? The first thing Paul said “you wives, be submissive to your own husbands”
   5. Wife submitting to husband is already taught in Ephesians 5:22-23 but don’t forget this is mentioned here by Peter in the context of reaching an unbelieving husband.
2. Be chaste and respectable: “as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” (1 Peter 3:2)
   1. In the Greek “chaste” has the idea of innocence.[4]
   2. In the Greek “respectful behavior” has the respectful fear.[5]
   3. The verb “observe” means the husband is carefully observing the behavior of his Christian wife and are witnesses that her godly characteristics are genuine. [6]
3. Forsake materialism: “Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses” (1 Peter 3:3)
   1. This verse does not mean a wife should aim to be beautiful.
   2. However this does prohibit a woman seeking beauty only from having beauty supplies that gives me people the wrong idea that the spiritual is not important.
4. Godly gentleness: “but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:4)
   1. This is what is supposed to replace materialism.
   2. Notice the focus on the inward when Peter talked about “the hidden person of the heart”
   3. A wife should have “a gentle and quiet spirit” in which she is not pushy or selfishly assertive.[7]

Practice

1. What would your husband say about your submission?
2. When your husband examine your godliness would he say it is genuine?
3. Are you modest in how you dress? Or are you materialistic?  A quick test: What do other women think about the way you dress when their husband is there?
4. Do you grow in being spiritually beautiful before God and your husband in your character?

 

Husbands you should win your spouse to Christ with your godliness

Proof

1. Be understanding of your wife: “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7a)
   1. This is addressed to “husbands”
   2. When it says “in the same way” it refers back to the earlier verses of how wives are to be godly to win over their unbelieving husband to Christ. Husbands are to win over their unbelieving wives to the Lord with their behavior too.
   3. The specific behavior here mentioned is to “live with your wives in an understanding way”
   4. This means knowing your spouse but also living with her in a way that is aware about who she is.
2. Treat her as a woman: “as with someone weaker, since she is a woman” (1 Peter 3:7a)
   1. One must acknowledge that one’s wife is weaker but that doesn’t mean more inferior.
   2. Basically treat her as a woman; and part of it might mean your role of helping her with things in which you are more stronger.
3. Honor your wife: “and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7b)
   1. Honor here means seeing someone or something as valuable as seen in its use in 1 Peter 2:7 in reference to Christ.[8]
   2. You see her as precious since she is “a fellow heir of the grace of life”
   3. God is serious enough about this that you honor your wife “so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

Practice

1. Do you strive to know more your wife or do you think you know her already?
2. Do you treat your wife as a woman like you use to treat her when you first wanted to marry her?
3. How precious is your wife to you?
4. Do you honor her?[9]
   1. Speak well of her before your kids.
   2. Don’t let your children disrespect her.
   3. Speak well of her before other adults.
   4. Value what she thinks; ask her for opinion with your plans and decisions.
   5. Don’t embarrass her in front of others.

 

[1] Leon Morris, The First Epistle Of Paul To The Corinthians: An Introduction And Commentary (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1958), 60.

[2] Leon Morris, The First Epistle Of Paul To The Corinthians: An Introduction And Commentary (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1958), 60.

[3] D. Edmond Hiebert, 1 Peter: An Expositional Commentary (Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2002), 197.

[4] D. Edmond Hiebert, 1 Peter: An Expositional Commentary (Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2002), 198.

[5] D. Edmond Hiebert, 1 Peter: An Expositional Commentary (Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2002), 198.

[6] D. Edmond Hiebert, 1 Peter: An Expositional Commentary (Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2002), 197.

[7] D. Edmond Hiebert, 1 Peter: An Expositional Commentary (Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2002), 201.

[8] Lou Priolo, The Complete Husband (Phillipsburg, NJ: Presbyterian and Reformed, 1985), 233.

[9] Lou Priolo, The Complete Husband (Phillipsburg, NJ: Presbyterian and Reformed, 1985), 237.