Disciplining Your Kids Part 3

Establish the need: Have you wonder how do you spiritually disciplining your children?

 

Review:

In our first session we saw the three Bs concerning how to discipline your kids.

• • Be clear with rules
  • Be self-controlled
  • Be in a private place

In our second session we saw the three Bs concerning how to discipline your kids.

• • Seek confession
  • Spank appropriate area
  • Seek brokenness

 

Purpose: Today we will see five points concerning what to do after you have discipline your kids.

• Shepherd the child’s heart
• Share the Gospel
• Show affection
• Solicit prayer
• Strive to be

 

Shepherd the child’s heart

1. Proof
   1. The point here is that after you spank the child you have a discussion with the child.
   2. God says the heart hating correction is a problem: “And you say, “How I have hated instruction! And my heart spurned reproof!” (Proverbs 5:12)
      1. Here God says don’t be this kind of person who grow old and say “And my heart spurned reproof!”
      2. So instead we should the writer of Proverbs early on in the chapter address this to his son: “My son, give attention to my wisdom, Incline your ear to my understanding;” (Proverbs 5:1)
      3. Likewise we need to talk to our child and address the child’s heart after you discipline so they won’t have the habit of spurning reproof.
   3. The job of drawing our a child’s heart: “A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out.” (Proverbs 20:5)
      1. When you discipline your child you want to address their heart and their motivation rather than just them thinking they need to obey because you will hurt them, or because you say so, or because you lost your patience, etc.
      2. But there’s a challenge: The heart is deep as it says: “the heart of a man is like deep water”
      3. Yet there’s a hope: “But a man of understanding draws it out”
2. Practice
   1. We need to realize that if we think after spanking is done we are wrong. We need to shepherd their hearts afterwards!
   2. Sometimes we can be lazy to think spanking is enough; no, it must be followed by the further task of shepherding!
   3. You should use a lot of questions to the child to learn of their motivation and understanding and feelings.
   4. Then explain to the child that you want your discipline to prepare them to submit to God rather than them to be rebellious against God in the future as an adult.[1]
   5. Again as mentioned earlier when we discussed seeking brokenness read and talk to your kid about 2 Corinthians 7:10: “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.”
   6. Furthermore have a two way conversation with the child for them to think of alternatives to their choice of sinning.[2]

 

 

Share the Gospel

1. Proof
   1. Proof 1: An argument from the lesser to the greater: “Then he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live;” (Proverb 4:4)
      1. In the context the writer is addressing his son and thinking about his own father teaching him (the father).
      2. Notice the writer is quoting his own father saying to him about keeping his father’s words which would be wise instructions: “Let your heart hold fast my words”
      3. There’s a result of obeying the father’s wisdom: “and live”
      4. So you want to shepherd a child after disciplining him or her so that it will impact how they live. That means there’s an importance of follow up after discipline.
      5. Here I want to make an argument from the lesser to the greater: If we should instruct our child so they may live in this earthly life how much more should be concern for their longer life in eternity! So we must share the Gospel!
   2. Proof 2: The example with Timothy’s life: “and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 3:15)
      1. Paul is talking about his younger coworker in the ministry: Timothy.
      2. Here Paul acknowledge he knew that Timothy’s salvation was in part of knowing the Scripture’s since childhood.
      3. Yet we remember the next verse states: “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16).
      4. So we see here in these two verses that the function of Scripture to correct and also to lead to salvation are not mutually exclusive; so use the Scripture to share the Gospel.
   3. Practice
      1. Again don’t be lazy; don’t think you disciplined your child when you spank them and that’s it; go further, share the Gospel!
      2. Do you know Bible verses that talks about sins that you can share with your child? Know them to share with them from memory to show their sins so they know they need a Savior.
      3. Do you know Bible verses that talks about Christ’s work to save sinners that you can share with your child? Know them to share with them from memory to show their sins so they know Christ is a Savior!
      4. Train your child to say, “I’m sorry.”[3] This helps model the Gospel of us going to God the Father and confessing our sins to Him.

 

Show affection

1. Proof
   1. Reason 1: We shouldn’t provoke our children to ungodly anger: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
      1. The prohibition is stated “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger”
      2. So after the right order of disciplining and instructing you should show affection to your child. This will soften their anger.
   2. Reason 2: Love is kind: “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,” (1 Corinthians 13:4)
      1. Love is kind as the passage states.
      2. Showing affection to your child is kind!
      3. This kindness is especially true when your child needs to be comforted by you.
      4. Yet when you show affection you don’t want to do this without disciplining your child which can enable your child to sin. So show affection after you spank and gave instructions to your child.
   3. Practice
      1. Let your child cry on your shoulders.[4]
      2. Let them have lots of hugs.[5]
      3. If the child need a longer time to be affirmed with hugs and kisses do it after the discipline and instruction!
      4. After discipline don’t isolate them.[6]

 

Solicit prayer

1. Proof: Remember how serious sin is towards God: “Against You, You only, I have sinned And done what is evil in Your sight, So that You [a]are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge.” (Psalm 51:4)
   1. The subscript above verse 1 reveals the context of this Psalm: “For the choir director. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.”= Notice this is a Psalm about David sin including sinning against others.
   2. Yet the sin against God is greater than the sins against others so that’s why David in Psalm 51:4 said “Against You, You only, I have sinned.”
   3. If this is the case we must direct our child to pray to God to confess our sins seeing how serious sin is an offense towards Him.
2. Practice
   1. This is a time to lead your child to pray to God to confess their sins.
      1. If the child is very young pray aloud the words for them to say after you .
      2. If the child is old enough have them also pray aloud on their own with you listening in prayer.
   2. This is also a time for you to pray for your child’s salvation!

Strive to be consistent

1. Proof
   1. Proof 1: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” (Proverbs 13:24)= Notice this verse mentioned that discipline is to be done “diligently”
   2. Proof 2: “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:58)
      1. In the context this chapter is talking about Christ’s resurrection and our resurrection.
      2. This verse using the word “Therefore” is telling us the implications of the truth of the Resurrection.
      3. Since we have hope we must “be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord”
      4. This is because “your toil is not in vain in the Lord”
      5. What the “the work of the Lord” Paul had in mind is ministry for God.
      6. But we can draw out an application that the work of raising our kids for the Lord is also a work that we must do in a way that is “steadfast, immovable.”
      7. If we discipline our kids in a way that is “steadfast, immovable,” that means we are being consistent.
2. Practice
   1. Don’t be inconsistent in disciplining your children or otherwise it sends mix signals.
   2. For instance when your child sin if sometime you spank them and other times you take pictures of them and laugh and say “how cute” then it doesn’t communicate to your child that the sin is serious.
   3. Also being consistent to go through the steps of discipline that we mentioned also helps the kids learn about sin, the Gospel, Jesus and grace.
   4. It is hard to discipline our kids. But remember 1 Corinthians 15:58 how it shows us that what we do is not in vain because Jesus resurrected and save us from our sins, Amen?

 

 

[1] Paul and Karen Tautges, Help! My Toddler Rules the House (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2014), 50.

[2] Doug Britton, “The Bible and spanking children — Introduction”at https://www.dougbrittonbooks.com/onlinebiblestudies-parentinghelpandadvice/spankingchildren-bibleinfoforchristianparents/.

[3] Doug Britton, “The Bible and spanking children — Introduction”at https://www.dougbrittonbooks.com/onlinebiblestudies-parentinghelpandadvice/spankingchildren-bibleinfoforchristianparents/.

[4] Paul and Karen Tautges, Help! My Toddler Rules the House (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2014), 50.

[5] Paul and Karen Tautges, Help! My Toddler Rules the House (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2014), 51.

[6] Paul and Karen Tautges, Help! My Toddler Rules the House (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2014), 51.