Teaching children about friendship

Selected Passages from Proverbs

 

Purpose: This session we will explore five points from the book of Proverbs to teach our kids how to be friends with siblings and other kids

• Friendship requires love and effort (Proverbs 17:17)
• Friendship is about quality over quantity (Proverbs 18:24)
• There are people you shouldn’t be friends with (Proverbs 22:24-25, Proverbs 20:19)
• Some people might not want to be friends with you (Proverbs 19:4, 19:7)
• Work on virtues that makes you a godly friend with others  (Proverbs 19:6, 22:11, 27:6, 27:9-10)

 

1. Friendship requires love and effort:

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

1. Proof
   1. We see from this verse that just because one is a sibling don’t mean one will always be friends: “a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17b)= Note we are born in sin so adversity is natural given our sinful nature.
   2. But that doesn’t mean siblings must always be rivals.
   3. Rather siblings can be friends; how? First half of the verse states a principle for friendship: “A friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17a)
2. Practice
   1. Teach your kids that friendship requires effort.
   2. Give “safe” examples of how your own friendship with someone require effort on your part. Give examples that is not gossip or speak badly of others.
   3. Also emphasize to your kids the goal of being a friend to someone isn’t what good benefits you can get from the friend but to love the other person; teach them 1 Corinthians 13 what love is!
3. Picture: A good example I see of friendship that takes work to cultivate is my wife’s friendship with her sister.

 

2. Friendship is about quality over quantity:

“A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)

1. Proof
   1. The danger of having a mindset of achieving quantity of friends: “A man of too many friends comes to ruin” (Proverbs 18:24a)
      1. It does state having too many friends results in ruin.
      2. How? One possibility is having the goal of having a lot of friends mean one is trying to please people instead of God and one become a people pleaser.  Here God tells us the consequences of that: “You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” (James 4:4)
      3. How? A second possibility is having the goal of having a lot of friends mean one is not selective of the friends they have and therefore include friends with corrupt character: “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
   2. The value of a good quality friend: “But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24b)
      1. Notice how it is singular “friend” and not plural friends, a contrast with the first half of the verse.
      2. Notice the quality of a good friend here is one closer than a sibling.
   3. Practice
      1. When kids are rejected by others teach them that it is not about having many friends.
      2. Also teach your kids to be good friends even among siblings; this is their first training to be a friend!
      3. Each day children’s conflict is a teachable moment for them of biblical truths about friendship.

 

3. There are people you shouldn’t be friends with (Proverbs 22:24-25, Proverbs 20:19)

1. Proof
   1. Don’t be friends with an angry person: “Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, 25 Or you will learn his ways And find a snare for yourself..” (Proverbs 22:24-25)
   2. Don’t be friends with a gossip person: “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip.” (Proverbs 20:19)
   3. Also don’t forget: “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
2. Practice
   1. Talk to your kids about the kinds of friends they have; ask questions!
   2. Also teach them Bible studies about sinners who can corrupt character.
   3. At the same time teach that we are all sinners, you don’t want your kids to be self-righteous legalist; but emphasize that some people influence us more than we influence them and therefore we should be careful who are our friends.

 

4. Some people might not want to be friends with you (Proverbs 19:4, 19:7)

1. Proof
   1. Being rich or poor can mean having or losing friends: “Wealth adds many friends, But a poor man is separated from his friend.” (Proverbs 19:4)
   2. Sometime people hate you no matter how much you try to be their friends: “All the brothers of a poor man hate him; How much more do his friends abandon him! He pursues them with words, but they are gone.” (Proverbs 19:7)
      1. As in the verse we just saw this verse teaches that being rich or poor can mean having or losing friends.
      2. However this verse adds the details of people hating the one who is poor.
      3. Yet the poor person tries to pursue a friendship with others but is not successful.
2. Practice
   1. Again when your kids are rejected by others teach them that it is not about having many friends.
   2. When your kids are rejected by others teach them that God knows how they feel for Proverbs talks about rejection in God’s Word.
   3. Point them to Jesus who was rejected by all and was even betrayed by a “friend,” yet He is a Friend to sinners!

 

5. Work on virtues that makes you a godly friend with others (Proverbs 19:6, 22:11, 27:6, 27:9-10)

Practice:

1. Be generous: “Many will seek the favor of a generous man, And every man is a friend to him who gives gifts.” (Proverbs 19:6)
2. Be pure-intentioned: “He who loves purity of heart And whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend.” (Proverbs 22:11a)
3. Be gracious in how you speak: “He who loves purity of heart And whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend.” (Proverbs 22:11a)
   1. That means watching out for too much sarcasm.
   2. That means watching out for mean jokes.
   3. That means watching out for rough speech, angry tone, etc.
4. Be truthful how you speak: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6)
5. Be wise in how you counsel: “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend” (Proverbs 27:9)
6. Be loyal: “Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.” (Proverbs 27:10)