Outline: A Godly Leader deal with difficult people biblically

Note: This is the tenth installment in our series on biblical leadership.

 

A Godly Leader deal with difficult people biblically

Selected Verse

Establish the need: How do you deal with difficult people?

 

Purpose: Today we shall three points so that as a Christian and a godly leader we deal with difficult people biblically

• The importance of dealing with difficult people biblically
• The examples of dealing with difficult people biblically
• How to cultivate dealing with difficult people biblically

 

The importance of dealing with difficult people biblically

Even if you are not a leader it is important to deal with difficult people biblically

1. All of us are to be patient with difficult people: “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,” (Ephesians 4:2)
   1. We are patient as this passage teach us.
   2. Specifically we are called to be “bearing with one another”
   3. All of this is to be done “in love”
   4. Again this is a command for everybody.
   5. Obviously if you have to be patient and bear with others that means we are dealing with difficult people.
   6. Yet we are to deal with the way God tells us in the Bible.
2. All of us as believers are to be displaying behavior of the fruit of the Spirit: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,” (Galatians 5:22)= Notice that we are to be patient and kind, even when it is hard with situations and difficult people! Then will you and others know that this is a supernatural behavior from the Lord rather than your mere disposition.

Why is it important for leaders? (3 Reasons)

1. Reason 1: Not dealing with difficult people well can result in a hostile takeover by difficult individuals which then hurt others
   1. Summarizing 2 Samuel 13:1-22, David’s son Amnon rapes his half-sister Tamar but David doesn’t handle that well as a father and king. So Tamar’s brother, Absalom, murders Amnon as revenge but then he returns from exile (2 Samuel 14).
   2. Summarizing 2 Samuel 15:1-12, Absalom over a period of four years gained support to plot to overthrow his father David as king. David fled.
   3. While difficult people might not always take your title or position, if we don’t deal with difficult people biblically then that enable trouble makers to hurt those you are leading.
2. Reason 2: Leaders who don’t act biblically with difficult people sometime act out in frustration and then lord over others:
   1. Recall our frustration session; below are verses reminding us of how God does not want leaders to lord over others.
   2. “shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not with greed but with eagerness; 3 nor yet as domineering over those assigned to your care, but by proving to be examples to the flock.” (1 Peter 5:2-3)
      1. This is addressing church leaders.
      2. Leaders are told here not to be “domineering over those assigned to your care” (1 Peter 5:3)
      3. Thus in area of spiritual leadership in the church one should not be domineering.
   3. “And He said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles domineer over them; and those who have authority over them are called ‘Benefactors.’ 26 But it is not this way for you; rather, the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant.” (Luke 22:25-26)
      1. Jesus here is talking about Gentile leaders: “kings of the Gentiles” (Luke 22:25a)
      2. Jesus here is contrasting the way unbelievers rule with how Christians are to be leaders: “But it is not this way for you” (Luke 22:26a)
3. Reason 3: It undermine leadership
   1. If you are not proactively dealing with difficult people then you are reactionary and therefore not leading.
   2. Difficult people also like to undermine leadership.

 

The example of dealing with difficult people biblically

Jesus with Judas

1. Judas is described as part of the Twelve Apostles: See Matthew 10:4, Mark 6:3, Luke 6:16.
2. Yet Judas would betray Jesus
   1. Judas went to the chief priest to betray Jesus: “Then one of the twelve, named Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests 15 and said, “What are you willing to give me to betray Him to you?” And they set out for him thirty [c]pieces of silver.” (Matthew 26:14-15)
   2. Among the worst kind of difficult people to deal with is one who is treacherous and going to betray someone else. That is what Jesus faced with Judas.
   3. Judas betrayal: “And while He was still speaking, behold, Judas, one of the twelve, came accompanied by a large crowd with swords and clubs, who came from the chief priests and elders of the people. 48 Now he who was betraying Him gave them a sign previously, saying, “Whomever I kiss, He is the one; arrest Him.” 49 And immediately Judas went up to Jesus and said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed Him.” (Matthew 26:47-49)=How sad to think Jesus was betrayed through a kiss (49)
   4. Jesus knew of Judas betrayal: “And Judas, who was betraying Him, said, “Surely it is not I, Rabbi?” Jesus *said to him, “You have said it yourself.”” (Matthew 26:25)
      1. This was during the Last Supper.
      2. This was chronologically before later the night when Judas betrayed Jesus.
      3. Yet here we see Jesus being aware of Judas betraying Him.
      4. Think of it for the moment: Jesus knew Judas would betray Him, yet Jesus led Judas still. What an example for us.

Jesus with the other disciples: “Philip *said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us.” 9 Jesus *said to him, “Have I been with [e]you for so long a time, and yet [f]you have not come to know Me, Philip? The one who has seen Me has seen the Father; how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?” (John 14:8-9)

1. We must remember that Jesus’ disciples were not easy for Jesus to lead.
2. Here we see in verse 8 one of his disciples still not getting Jesus is the source to the Father and even asked to see the Father; this after all the many miracles Jesus performed!
3. Sometimes people not learning despite what is taught clearly can be frustrating!

 

 

How to cultivate dealing with difficult people biblically

Realize people will disappoint you:

1. Demas abandoned Paul: “for Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica; Crescens has gone toGalatia, Titus to Dalmatia” (2 Timothy 4:10)
   1. Remember Paul was in prison at this time
   2. Demas is said to have “deserted” Paul
   3. The word “deserted” is a compound word with two prepositions “against” and “alone” with the root word meaning “leave” and taken together all three word makes it doubly intense. [1]
   4. Yet Demas abandon Paul because he “loved this present world” that is worldliness.
2. Yet Demas was once one of Paul’s companion in ministry: “Luke, the beloved physician, sends you his greetings, and Demas does also.” (Colossians 4:14)
3. How sad to think Demas abandoned Paul at a time Paul probably needed him the most.
4. Likewise with us we need to realize people will disappoint us.

Realize people are difficult for different reasons

1. Blind spot: Sometimes it is because the person does not know they are difficult.
2. Disbelief:
   1. Sometimes it is because the person does not want to believe they are being difficult because they want to hold on to some false idea that would not allow them to acknowledge their problem.
      It is important to identify and point those out:
   2. For example the source might be Pride (They can’t believe they are underperforming, they can’t believe others are doing better than them, etc) = Yet remember we are all not righteous and need God’s saving and sanctifying grace!
3. Capability: Sometimes people are unable to do their job:
   1. They were being promoted beyond their ability.
   2. They are capable but there’s other problems in their lives that has distracted them.
   3. They are disqualified from doing their job.

Make rules/policies and enforce it.

1. Recall our session on fairness of how rules are your friend.
2. Identify problem that shouldn’t be tolerated:
   1. Complain
   2. Uncooperative attitude with rule-breaking
   3. Bad attitude
   4. Gossip
   5. Anger
   6. Arrogance
   7. Playing Around

Address problem earlier rather than later.

1. Nip things in the bud if possible.
2. Addressing it causes less problem than if problem persist and later they are in more disbelief of their problem.
3. Also addressing the problem early means the person won’t keep causing problem and think there’s a culture in the team where they can get away with the problem or worst, they know cause more problem based upon thinking they can get away with it.

Address problems with gentle voice: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)= I have found correcting with a gentle voice is far more effective than harsh words or loud voice.

Realize doing something good at times mean we will have enemies: Alexander the Coppersmith: “Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. 15 Be on guard against him yourself too, for he vigorously opposed our teaching.” (2 Timothy 4:14-15)

1. Alexander here is not someone under Paul’s leadership.
2. Alexander instead is opposing Paul and what he is doing because he is against Paul’s cause.
3. Part of being a leader is also realize one’s limitation of what one can do; there’s not much Paul can do but Paul exhort Timothy to be on guard of the threat in verse 15.
4. Still in this situation as a leader Paul is encouraging Timothy with a spiritual truth: God will repay the evil back to Alexander according to verse 14.

Sometimes moments when everyone disappoint you, it is an opportunity to trust in God: Romans : “At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them.” (2 Timothy 4:16)

1. In the context Paul wrote his last letter before he is going to die; he is in prison in Rome and no one in that local church is there to support him.[2]
2. The fear is understandable given that this is Nero the evil Emperor we are talking about; still it is not good to be a leader and abandoned by others; sometimes leadership is lonely and everyone might not have the courage to follow your lead.
3. Yet Paul in this instance realize two truths: “But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that through me the proclamation might be fully accomplished, and that all the Gentiles might hear; and I was rescued out of the lion’s mouth” (2 Timothy 4:16)
   1. God is with Paul.
   2. God is fulfilling His purpose.
   3. Likewise we too need to believe these two points: God is with us and God working through us, even when others are not courageous to follow our lead.

Sometimes you do need to let people go

1. John Mark has an issue of courage and left Paul during his first missionary trip: “Now Paul and his companions put out to sea from Paphos and came to Perga in Pamphylia; but John left them and returned to Jerusalem.” (Acts 13:13)
2. This result in Paul and Barnabas to part ways: “Barnabas wanted to take John, called Mark, along with them also. 38 But Paul was of the opinion that they should not take along with them this man who had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 39 Now it turned into such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. 40 But Paul chose Silas, and left after being entrusted by the brothers to the grace of the Lord.” (A)
   1. Barnabas’ view is stated in verse 37.
   2. Paul’s view is stated in verse 38.
   3. Sadly this resulted in sharp disagreement in verse 39.
   4. Still we see sometimes there is a place of splitting journey with certain individuals.
   5. Also that does not mean we have to demonize the other person in the worst light.

Appreciate those who are reliable: “But I have sent Tychicus to Ephesus” (2 Timothy 4:12)

1. Note how in a chapter where so many have left Paul, the name Tychicus is mentioned.
2. Tychicus is mentioned in Ephesians 6:21, Colossians 4:7, Titus 3:12.
3. From these four verses it seems Tychicus is someone who was reliable in Paul’s team, reliable enough to deliver God’s Word and Paul’s epistles to various other churches.[3]
4. Sometimes as leaders we can deal with people who are problems and we see the problem disproportionally and not remember the people under one’s leadership that is reliable and doing well.
5. So remember to appreciate those who are reliable and also appreciate them and let them know your appreciation!
6. Perhaps at times those who are difficult remind us to appreciate those who are reliable.

Realize we too are difficult people= We are sinners after al!

Realize sometime people change

1. Recall earlier we note John Mark’s lack of courage.
2. Yet later Paul worked with John Mark in 2 Timothy 4:11, Colossians 4;10.
3. This shows that people change.
4. May we never forget God’s in the business of changing people.
5. Sometimes we don’t believe our difficult people we lead are really that difficult! Because if we really believe they are really that difficult we should pray!  After all it is only God who can change people!
6. Let us be moved to pray for those we lead who are difficult!
7. Let us spend more time praying to God more than looking at TED Talk, lectures online, etc., on how to deal with difficult people, amen?

 

[1] John MacArthur, Called to Lead (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 198.

[2] John MacArthur, Called to Lead (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 201.

[3] John MacArthur, Called to Lead (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 195-196.