Dealing with Bullies

Purpose: This session we will cover four points concerning the subject of bullies and dealing with bullies.

• Realize your child will face bullies
• What parents must do
• Wrong responses of a child to bullying
• Right responses of a child to bullying

Realize your child will face bullies

Proof

Why is this important to talk about?

1. If we have a message on teaching our children God’s Word on friendship then we should also beware that our children will also face other kids who are not friends and we want to look at this problem and see what God’s Word has to say related to this issue.
2. Do we believe this? “All Scripture is inspired by God and beneficial for teaching, for rebuke, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16)= If so we believe this we should see what God’s Word can help us with this.

In a sense bullying is a form of oppression and the Bible talks about oppression: “May he vindicate the afflicted of the people, Save the children of the needy, And crush the oppressor.” (Psalm 72:4)

1. This is a prayer to God about the suffering and for God to deal with oppressors.
2. Notice here there’s discussion of suffering.
3. Children are among those that suffer too.

Three characteristics of bullying:[1]

1. Bullying is intentional and tries to cause harm or distress to the victim.
2. Bullying occurs between two more kids who have different degrees of power.
3. Bullying happens repeatedly over a period of time.

There are three types of bullying that occur:[2]

1. Physical: Hitting, kicking, spitting, tripping, pushing, breaking someone’s things, rude gestures
2. Verbal: Teasing, name-calling, threats, inappropriate sexual comments, taunting
3. Social: Leaving someone out of a group on purpose, telling others not to be friends with them, publicly embarrassing them, spreading gossip or rumors about someone, etc.

Picture: Sometimes when we are not aware of bullying our kids can talk to us about how other kids are giving them a hard time but we are so tired or busy we miss the opportunity to teach our kids and minister to them.

Practice: Knowing people are sinful including children, know it will be “when” and not “if” our kids will deal with bullies. So be prepared.

What parents must do

Listen:

1. The goal of understanding the child: “A plan in the heart of a person is like deep water, But a person of understanding draws it out.” (Proverbs 20:5)
   1. Note here that a person’s heart has a lot of thoughts: “is like deep water”
   2. To bring it out one has to be “a person of understanding”
   3. What “a person of understanding” is able to do? “draws it out”
2. How does a parent draw out what’s in a child’s heart? By listening. How do we listen? “You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger;” (James 1:19)
   1. When parents hear their child is bullied it is easy to get mad; yet it is important that parents are “slow to anger”
   2. When parents hear their child is bullied it is easy to want to take action and react quickly because one is emotional; yet it is important that parents are “slow to speak”
   3. When parents hear their child is bullied it is easy to make wrong assumptions; yet it is important that parents are “quick to hear”

Comfort: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

1. Here Paul teaches that God is “God of all comfort” (v.3)
2. How is God a “God of all comfort”? Verse 4 states God is the one “who comforts us in all our affliction.”
3. But the goal of God comforting us is not just for ourselves; Verse 4b gives the purpose: “so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction”
4. What do we comfort others with? “with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God”
5. In case you feel it is not enough verse 5 encourage us that God’s grace to comfort is abundant: “For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)
6. As application comfort the child by pointing them towards God and Christ.
7. Share with the child your own experience and how you dealt with bullies through God’s grace and help.

Intervene:

1. Sometimes as a parent you have to talk to the bully or his or her parent.
2. This is especially the case if there is physical violence.
3. But make sure you have the facts accurate: “The first to plead his case seems right, Until another comes and examines him.” (Proverbs 18:17); sometimes the best way to begin is by asking questions and start off by speaking softly.

Instruct:

1. Realize that sometimes the child wants to deal with the problems themselves without your help. In these situations giving biblical instructions is important.
2. Sometimes you have no control over the bully’s behavior even if you talk to the bully and his or her parents. But you can still instruct your own children.
3. Even if there are situations where you as the parent was able to get the bully to stop still you have the responsibility to instruct your child for the future: “Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he grows older he will not abandon it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Wrong responses of a child to bullying

Denial:

1. Example: The child pretend there is no bullying going on, or avoid talking about it.[3]
2. Addressing the child: The child should not lie by denying bullying is going on: “Do not lie to one another, since you stripped off the old self with its evil practices, 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created it” (Colossians 3:9-10)
   1. Note 9a states “Do not lie” and while this prohibit lying to others (such as parents) a child should not lie to himself or herself either.
   2. This is also a good time to preach the Gospel that why one do not tell lies is because of being in Christ; they need the Gospel to be saved and put on their new self.
3. Addressing the child: Their shame can be removed by God: “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And no longer remember the disgrace of your widowhood.” (Isaiah 54:4)
   1. In context this is God restoring Israel.
   2. Note it mentioned “But you will forget the shame of your youth,” showing God can heal what’s embarrassing as a youth.
   3. Also teach that when it is embarrassing or shameful what happen, they can go to God and pray to Him.

Bitterness:

1. Example: Imagination of bad things happening to the bully, upset at the bully and teacher and others for not protecting him or her.[4]
2. Addressing the child: We should give up vengeance to the Lord see Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19-20.
3. Addressing the child: Instruct your child that bitterness often destroy the bitter person before it hurt anyone else.

Self-hate:

1. Example: The child believe the comparisons and differences and they hate themselves for anything different or flaws.[5]
2. Addressing the child: God has created you and you are made in the image of God: “Everyone who is called by My name, And whom I have created for My glory, Whom I have formed, even whom I have made.”” (Isaiah 43:7)

Fear of Man:

1. Example: Fearful of the opinion of popular kids, those who talk badly about them, etc.
2. Address the child: fear of people is a trap: “The fear of man brings a snare” (Proverbs 29:25a)
3. Address the child: To escape fear of people one need to trust in God: “…But one who trusts in the Lord will be protected.” (Proverbs 29:25b)

Right responses of a child to bullying

Proof

1. Love your enemies: “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who are abusive to you.” (Luke 6:27-28)
   1. The verb “love” (27a) is a command. It is also a present tense which shows a continuous action.
   2. If we are to love our enemies (27a) we should love our bullies.
   3. What does loving bullies look like? “do good to those who hate you” (27b)
   4. What does loving our bullies look like? “bless those who curse you” (28a)
2. Pray for your enemies: “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may prove yourselves to be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Matthew 5:44-45)
   1. Verse 44b says “pray for those who persecute you”
   2. Why? “so that you may prove yourselves to be sons of your Father who is in heaven” (45a)= If you are a Christian you will pray for your enemies.
   3. It is not easy to do this; Jesus gives us the motivation by looking at God and His mercy: for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (45b)
3. Trust in God’s vengeance: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Romans 12:18-19)
4. Ignore: sometimes when there’s no reaction the bully get bored and move on

[1] Source: https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/what-does-the-bible-teach-us-about-bullying/.

[2] Source: https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/what-does-the-bible-teach-us-about-bullying/.

[3] Tim Keeter, Help! My Child is Being Bullied (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2019), 45.

[4] Tim Keeter, Help! My Child is Being Bullied (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2019), 46-47.

[5] Tim Keeter, Help! My Child is Being Bullied (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2019), 46.