Establish the need: With our parenting series some might be discourage and think God’s Word is only for a perfect family where there’s a father and mother; yet one might think “My family has problems and I’m a single parent…” Does God’s Word have any truths to apply for single parents?
Purpose: In this session we will consider five thoughts to consider for those who are single parents.
- See your identity in Christ as more important than your status as a single parent
- Understand your hardship biblically
- Pay attention to your child’s struggle with missing a single parent
- Surround your child with godly examples and mentor
- Remember God can still save your children even with your family’s weakness
Before we begin…
This message have the following people in mind:
-
- Widows/Widowers
- Divorced Parents
- A parent taking care of the kids while the spouse is working in another country
- Those who had a child and never got married
- While this is not the main focus of this message I do think this lesson also has implications for those who are married to non-Christian spouses
While this message is meant to speak to those who are single parents this message is not saying it is permissible to make choices that sinfully or unwisely lead one to be a single parent.
See your identity in Christ as more important than your status as a single parent
Proof
Being a single parent should REFINE your identity in Christ, not REDEFINE your identity to no longer be a fruit of the Spirit Christian.
When someone ask us who we are our primary answer should be we are a child of God: “For you are all sons and daughters of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s descendants, heirs according to promise.” (Galatians 3:26-29)
- Verse 26 states we are “sons and daughters of God through faith in Christ Jesus.”= Christian parents must never forget that they are still a child of God and need God’s grace to be saved and live the Christian life, including parenting!
- There are three common categories to distinguish people here that is mentioned:[1]
- “Jew…Greek”(28)
- “slave…free”(28)
- “male nor female”(28)
- While these three categories do exists notice the passage stress the most important thing is “you are all one in Christ Jesus” (28b)= So our identity in Christ matters more than any other statuses we might have.
Yet despite what Scripture says about a Christian’s identity is in Christ sometimes the heart can tell ourselves we are a failure, we are “divorced” or “separated” or “alone,” etc, as more defining who we are rather than being a child of God.[2]
In such a case remember the heart is deceptive: “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
- The heart is described negatively in two ways:
- “more deceitful than all else”= Since it is so deceitful we need to be suspicious of what our heart tells us that goes against God’s Word.
- “And is desperately sick”= Since it is sick we need to be suspicious of relying on our heart to know what is right and “healthy.”
- Therefore we constantly need to confront our
Practice
- Single parents need to keep preaching to themselves daily that they are a child of God as more important than our family situation and marriage status and quality.
- Sometimes we don’t realize we downplay God’s grace to make us a Child of God by focusing on self-pity. Self-pity focus on our negative circumstance rather than what Christ has done to give us a new relationship with God and a transformed life and hope and meaning even the family situation is difficult. So when you feel sorry for yourself make sure you preach the Gospel to yourself!
- To help counsel our own heart, whenever you read the Scripture and you see the Bible says what a Christian is in Christ, write it down in a journal “I am ___.” For example: “I am a Child of God.” Meditate upon these truths and promises!
- The more we focus on who we are in Christ the more we have hope to be godly even during difficult parenting situations.
Understand your hardship biblically
Proof
It can be easy to think “Being a single mom can’t be best for me. There must be some mistake.”[3]
To remedy such thoughts we need to have a biblical view of hardship.
Remember that God’s wisdom and ways are beyond our understanding[4]: ““For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
- Here God is speaking.
- Two things being compared:
- Thoughts: The activity of the mind.
- Ways: Actual action.
- God makes it clear God’s way’s and thoughts are different than human’s ways and thoughts in verse 8.
- Verse 9 explains further these differences:[5]
- Isaiah 55:9b states God’s ways are higher than human ways: “So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
- Isaiah 55:9a gives an analogy of how God’s ways are higher than human ways: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth”
- God’s plan for you is to become more like Christ: “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters;” (Romans 8:28-29)
- “We know that God causes all things to work together for good” (28a)= This include the trials of single parenting!
- The next verse in Romans 8:29 reveals what is the good goal of God with our trials: To be “conformed to the image of His Son”
Practice
- If God’s Ways are higher than our ways we must not lean on our own understanding: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)
- “So often we ask the question ‘Why me?’ Perhaps a better way to look at our difficulty is instead to ask ‘Who is the Lord, and what is his plan?’”[6]àKeep in mind His purpose is for us to be more like Christ while we go through our trials.
Pay attention to your child’s struggle with missing a single parent
Proof
Sometimes when someone struggle with parenting the focus can be on the difficulties as a parent but one should also keep in mind to know how your children is handling having only one parent.[7]
Both you as the parent and your children need to know God still cares for the children; if God cares for orphans God also cares for children with single parents. Meditate on these verses on God’s care for orphans:
- “The Lord watches over strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, But He thwarts the way of the wicked.” (Psalm 146:9)=Notice fatherless and widow are mentioned as supported by God.
- “A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy dwelling. 6 God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity, Only the rebellious live in parched lands.” (Psalm 68:5-6)
- See also Psalm 10:14, 10:18.
Teach your children that missing a parent is not an excuse for unbelief, rebellion, sin and ingratitude[8]: “No temptation has overtaken you except something common to mankind; and God is faithful, so He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)
- This verse mentioned no temptation is more powerful than God, and God does allow a way to escape from sinning!
- When we are sin, we are responsible; we cannot just blame our parents or lack of parents but rather it is our sinfulness is ultimately whey we sin.
Practice
- Do you know how your children are doing?
- Do you know how your children are handling the event that led them to have only one parent? [9]
Surround your child with godly examples and mentor
Proof
Have your child around mature Christians.[10]
God’s Word teaches it is important to have good examples:
- “Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their way of life, imitate their faith.” (Hebrews 13:7)
- The example mentioned here is that of leaders in the church specifically the elders.
- The church is an important place for your child to see a good example of a Godly man, especially for those who need father figure.
- “Shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not with greed but with eagerness; 3 nor yet as domineering over those assigned to your care, but by proving to be examples to the flock. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.” (1 Peter 5:2-4)
- Here once again the passage is focus on Church leaders.
- Note verse 3 specifically mentioned that elders are to be examples.
- Consider the pastor and his wife as influences for your children.
Does the church have a role to care and disciple children with single parents?
- God commanded the church to care for orphans: “Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” (James 1:27)
- If God wants believers to care for orphans and widows there definitely is a place to minister to the children who still have one of the parents, and yet the single parent still need some help.
Practice
- Consider every opportunity to be at church both for yourself and your child as an opportunity for the child to be able to grow with moral and spiritual instruction.
- Talk to the pastor and other leaders to see if your child can be disciple by someone in the church. Talk to the child about it and also seek the wisdom of the pastor for the best match for your child.
Remember God can still save your children even with your family’s weakness
Proof
Two encouragement for you to continue to pray and teach your children the Gospel.
Encouragement 1: The example of Timothy
- Timothy’s father was not seem a Christian: “Now Paul also came to Derbe and to Lystra. And a disciple was there, named Timothy, the son of a Jewish woman who was a believer, but his father was a Greek,” (Acts 16:1)
- Nevertheless Timothy’s mother and grandmother had a powerful spiritual impact on Timothy: “For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelled in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well” (2 Timothy 1:5)
- This impact is from teaching Timothy the Bible: “You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, 15 and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 3:14-15)
- While Timothy isn’t an orphan still we see how God can work through one parent to reach a child with the Gospel.
Encouragement 2: The silence of Scripture concerning single parents
- It might seem like a contradiction: How can God’s Word being silent on single parent encourage a single parent to continue to minister to one’s own children?
- Biblical Counselor Robert Jones has this powerful point: “Let’s begin with a more fundamental question: Were there any single parents in the Old and New Testament faith communities? Surely, yes. Then why were they excluded from biblical counsel on how to parent? The answer: They were not excluded. When God spoke to his people he spoke to married parents and single parents without distinction. In other words, the general commands given to all parents pertain to you. Single parents are not a special category.”[11]
Practice
- Continue to persevere as a parent.
- Continue to pray to God for help.
- Continue to preach to your children
- Continue to preach the Gospel to yourself.
[1] Robert Jones, Single Parents: Daily Grace for the Hardest Job (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2008), Kindle Location 7 of 58.
[2] Carol Trahan, Help! I’m a Single Mom (Leominster, UK: Day One Publications, 2011), 14-15.
[3] Carol Trahan, Help! I’m a Single Mom (Leominster, UK: Day One Publications, 2011), 16.
[4] Carol Trahan, Help! I’m a Single Mom (Leominster, UK: Day One Publications, 2011), 17.
[5] Edward J. Young, The Book of Isaiah: Volume Three Chapters 40 through 66 (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1972), 383.
[6] Carol Trahan, Help! I’m a Single Mom (Leominster, UK: Day One Publications, 2011), 25.
[7] Robert Jones, Single Parents: Daily Grace for the Hardest Job (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2008), Kindle Location 29 of 58.
[8] Robert Jones, Single Parents: Daily Grace for the Hardest Job (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2008), Kindle Location 30 of 58.
[9] Robert Jones, Single Parents: Daily Grace for the Hardest Job (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2008), Kindle Location 30 of 58.
[10] Robert Jones, Single Parents: Daily Grace for the Hardest Job (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2008), Kindle Location 45 of 58.
[11] Robert Jones, Single Parents: Daily Grace for the Hardest Job (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2008), Kindle Location 26 of 58.
Good reminder: “Christian parents must never forget that they are still a child of God and need God’s grace to be saved and live the Christian life, including parenting!”
Amen! I think all parents need to remember that even if married. Amen Frank, thanks for reading this!
Brother, thank for this wonderful insight. This is a very important topic that is much neglected in our churches. I was a single parent and it was not easy.
This is it: “When God spoke to his people he spoke to married parents and single parents without distinction.”
Shalom!
This is so good and will bless many!
Aww thanks for dropping by with this! I pray it would be helpful for those who are single parents!!!
Great job tonight!!!
I was divorced but no children. This seems very wise and helpful
[…] Encouragement for Single Parent — The Domain for Truth […]
Thanks for passing along this excellent outline for encouragement and counsel for single parents. The teaching about our identity in Christ trumping all other thoughts and doubts is useful for every believer.
RE: “The teaching about our identity in Christ trumping all other thoughts and doubts is useful for every believer.” AMEN! That is important for all kinds of problems and not just with being a single parent! How did your Tuesday go?
RE: Tuesday
The tree removal crew completed the project yesterday morning. All four dead trees are gone. I went out there to do some clean up and ended up trimming the overhanging branches of a next door neighbor’s tree and his tall hedgerow. That was A LOT of work! I then came inside and wrote another installment rebutting Broussard’s Petrine primacy, laborious mental toil. Woe is me, toil all day! 😊
How was your Tuesday?
Reblogged this on clydeherrin.
May burdened hearts and hearing ears hear!
Amen Dora! Hoping you have a blessed day today sister!!!
You too, brother. Just a heads up on the Puritans Conference livestreaming starting today if you’re interested: puritanconference.org
Single parents at church teaches us that God is in the business of redeeming not just picture perfect families but not so idealistic ones too
Amen brother Nathaniel amen!!
These points are important to be taught in the pulpits
Well said.
Thanks for the encouragement Maw Maw!!!
Great! Very loving
Much needed encouragement. I know a few single parents that struggled in many of these areas.
Wow this reinforce the importance of this type of studies are relevant!
Thank you Pastor Jim. This discussion shares thoughts of encouragement for an unwed mother-to-be in our family. Our prayers will continue to focus on her.
Praying for this mother!!!
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